One for ‘The Archers’ Fans only….

If you’re not a fan of The Archers, most of the below won’t make any sense. But trust me, it’s comedy gold!


So, the Archers plotline we have all been expecting has finally come to pass, the evil Rob Titchener has kidnapped his son, Jack. Last seen heading across a field, into the rain, with Jack in his car seat.

Here are the odds on what I think will happen next…

2/1 – Mowed down on the green by Lily Pargetter on a driving lesson. Jack thrown clear and caught, unharmed, by Toby Fairbrother. Jill not impressed.

10/1 – Drowns, hiding in the Culvert in all this rain for a 100% Ironic death. Jack floats to safety in car seat like Moses.

20/1 – Escapes with Jack, lives life of peace on a farm. Jack returns in 20 years to claim Bridge Farm, marries Tracey Horrobin..

50/1 – After fit of remorse, found hanging in Millennium Wood, dangling from Fallon’s missing bunting. (Yes, that was him too, the monster)

75/1 – Runs to a hideout in a seedy part of Brighton, recruits gang of ne’er do well’s to do his bidding. Toby Fairbrother singlehandedly takes them all on and, bloodied and beaten, emerges with Jack safely in his arms. Hailed national hero. Jill still not impressed.

100/1 – Chokes to death on Tuna Bake in motorway services. Jack taken by passing circus folk and raised as an acrobat. Has unexplained dreams about sausages and organic cheese.

1000/1 – Get’s job as President Trumps spokesman on women’s rights. Fired for being too liberal and politically correct.

10,000/1 – Has change of heart, returns Jack, hands himself in to PC Burns. Becomes changed man in prison, writes autobiography called ‘My Struggle’ and has gender reassignment surgery. On release saves village from nuclear destruction when Justin Elliot’s Farm Park and Toxic Waste Dump goes critical. Marries Tracey Horrobin.
Would love to hear any of your suggestions fellow fans. You know, this started as a tweet but I got a bit carried away.

Just one serious comment that has ticked me off with this last bit of the storyline. The idea that a strange man can repeatedly go upto a school fence and talk to one of the pupils without getting noticed is just ridiculous. Not least of which, what 5/6 yearly old can keep a secret like that? Especially one who sounds like Henry.

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One comment

  1. Love it! But I think in truth Timothy Watson is fed up with the part and so Rob will die tonight. The only question is who will he take with him?
    Also think it’s inconsistent that Rob has any real feelings for Henry, or that he’d bother to discuss his paternity mid-abduction.

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